The buzz about Metrosexuality at ESPN

I confess I'm often behind the curve on the latest cultural trends. I can still remember a few years back somebody asked me if I liked "Hoottie and the Blowfish?" I said, "What?"

So that gives you some idea of how (not) current I can be about aspects of pop culture.

On Friday morning, as I was driving to work, I heard Mike and Mike on ESPN radio talking about Metrosexuality and I was saying, "What?"

Eventually, I caught on to what they were talking about and they referred listeners to the ESPN.com web page where articles could be found to clue in the clueless like me.

Apparently, this discussion thread got some fuel when Stacey Pressman decided to enter the fray by lamenting the whole phenomena. Excerpt:

It's been an abysmal summer of endless channel-surfing: "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" followed by "Boy Meets Boy" and "Will & Grace" re-runs. Click. Click. Revisits to last season's "Sex and the City." "Trading Spaces." "Extreme Makeover." I would venture to say that our culture is in dire need of an injection of testosterone -- not Botox.
....................
America is being besieged by a dude who has been dubbed the "metrosexual" and who is gaining cultural currency by the minute. Surely you've encountered him? He's the post-makeover straight guy on "Queer Eye." He's the guy who scoffs at an $8 haircut at Supercuts and never lets anyone but Jean-Louis coiffure his locks for 36 bucks a pop. He might also be the guy who just traded in his red Saturn for the sprightly chili-red Mini Cooper.
...................
Mark Simpson, a British writer who coined the term "metrosexual" back in 1994, wrote a fascinating article for Salon.com last year, defining this man. Simpson writes: "The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis -- because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modeling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere."
....................
I liken the metrosexual to the female body builder. While there is nothing wrong with a woman who is healthy and physically fit, who works out and builds muscle mass, there is something aesthetically unappealing when taken to the extreme. She looks masculine. To me, all of the lifestyle characteristics of the metrosexual man make him look feminine.

Frankly, I'm done with the back-and-crack-waxing-salon-spa guy. Does America really need to see all of this "manscaping?" What's wrong with a good old-fashioned manly man? One who doesn't know the difference between mauve and taupe, and who won't refer to his wardrobe as "couture." Heck, I'll take him color-blind.

To me, there is something endearing about a man with wrinkled khakis, the kind that signifies, "I'm not too perfect." You boys can have your Armani and Gucci man boutiques. You can strive for overpriced perfection. I'll find the Armani guy. Only he'll be on a TJ Maxx rack with a tag dangling off him that reads "slightly irregular." Any savvy shopper knows there's nothing wrong with a faint quirk. It's called a good deal.
.........................
Don't get me wrong. I'm all for sensitivity. I'm perfectly fine with the salmon shirt and the between-you-and-me admission of your affinity for Rick Astley's music. But as far I'm concerned, the only person who's supposed to use the $26 bottle of 'Bumble and Bumble' shampoo and fret over hair ... is me. For you? It's 'Pert Plus All in One' in your grimy green bottle, on sale for $3.49 at CVS.
.........................
I recognize that I cross over into the male stereotype when I embrace football. But at least I'm able to retain my femininity while I do it. I appreciate the game. I am not trying to convince Marty Schottenheimer to insert me into his "cat" defense. Just remember that the next time you're eyeballing my loofah hanging in the shower. I certainly am aware that male vanity is here to stay, but you can still use a washcloth (or nothing) and a simple bar of Zest. It won't kill you.

I really hope I'm not alone in this. And I hope the rest of the country is just as starved for a resurgence of masculinity. Mind you, this is not a call for a return to Bill Romanowski-brand, loincloth barbarism. But there is something to be said for masculine vigor, verve and fortitude, and maybe even a little endearing fashion cluelessness -- all traits that have been placed on pop culture's endangered species list recently.

Football may just be the answer.

I was thinking of giving equal time quotes to Mike Greenberg as he wrote a rebuttal to Pressman. But then I thought, this is the blogosphere: I have an opinion and I'll state it and equal time rules need not apply.

Greenie and Golic's morning show is noted for their weekly, "Just shut up" feature. And on this occasion, I have to nominate Greenberg's mewling response for a "Just shut up" award! Go ahead and click if you must. As for Stacey, would love to meet her. Or her sisters or her friends who are like minded.

Greenberg's partner is the polar opposite and continuing the discussion, they did a side-by-side interview are on this issue.

If you are still curious, try the Metrosexual test they have devised.

I'm a modern traditionalist when it comes to gender roles. Traditionalist in that I'll walk a woman to her car, open doors for her, stand when she arrives and all that old fashioned stuff. And of course, as a male, I like sports and my dressing ability proves the adage, sometimes a blind squrrel can find an acorn. I am also a modernist in that I'm big on the empowerment and equal opportunity for women. I count it one of God's blessings in my life that I know a number of capable, bright and independent women. My manhood isn't treatened by the fact that on some things they are smarter and more able than me.

Regarding the metrosexuality test, suffice to say I flunked big time. And needless to say, one of my more culturally aware friends said when I asked about this whole metrosexuality thing: you are definitely NOT one!

UPDATE: Because I take Christian faith and practice seriously, I feel I need to make an addendum here. I refer you to the good natured kidding around Greenberg and Golic have on their radio show. They are total opposites on this issue and they work together and sound like great friends. I'd like to believe I'd be able to do the same. I just confess that I don't know any guys like Greenberg!