In a recent essay she asked the question, "Is Singleness a Sin?"
Excerpts:
In a moment of melodrama a couple years ago, I joked with a single friend that at times voices within Christendom have been so silent or so judgmental about singleness, that I suspected they thought the s-i-n at the beginning of the word was no mistake.
Now, unfortunately, one Christian leader has made that bit of humor-laced conspiracy theory a reality. At Joshua Harris's New Attitude Conference for singles this past January, Dr. Al Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky, said:
"I'm going to speak of the sin I think besets this generation. It is the sin of delaying marriage as a lifestyle option among those who intend someday to get married, but they just haven't yet. This is a problem shared by men and women, but it's a problem primarily of men."
Well, how about that? As a guy, the zinger hits a bit closer to home to me.
As is often the cause, advocates of a point of view tend to simplify and though there is some truth in Mohler's remarks, I think it is a bit more complicated than that.
Anyway, Camerin speaks her mind:
Dr. Mohler seems to imply that singles today aren't taking marriage seriously enough. In his talk and in Rainey and Lepine's response on the radio, they chastised singles for their passivity in not making marriage a greater priority. Sure, singles today are taking a good, hard look at marriage prospects before settling down—sometimes too much so. As we've been talking about here in recent weeks, we're often guilty of taking too good and hard a look at dating prospects before even going out for dinner or a movie. Yes, the pendulum has swung too far in the direction of caution and fear when it comes to romantic interests.
But let's look at the factors to which the caution is a reaction. We're the first generation of the no-fault divorce. Many of today's singles have lived with the consequences of young, perhaps-not-so-well-thought-through marriages of generations before. So of course many single people today are a bit gun-shy about entering an institution they saw, from a front-row seat, fail. We're also renegotiating romantic relationships in light of recent gender role shifts in our society. Others still are healing from their own divorce, coping with widowhood, rethinking relationships after becoming a Christian later in life, or simply waiting for a healthy, God-honoring mate possibility to enter the picture.
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So singleness as sin? No way! If the reasons for delaying marriage truly are selfishness, childishness, and a purposeful denying of God's will, as Mohler, Rainey, and Lepine assert, then those things are the sins—not the resulting singleness. And throwing around the s-word like that, especially toward a group of individuals who already sometimes feel devalued by the church, our families, and sometimes even ourselves, seems not only unscriptural but also irresponsible.
I'm sure in some cases, the choice of singleness is truly a gift from God. We can think of St. Paul. And of course, the life of Jesus, despite the nonsense being propagated by Dan Brown in "The Da Vinci Code."
And I'm sure in some cases, the choice of singleness is selfishness (one of the best definitions of sinfulness) and some men (mostly) and women prefer to jump from relatioinship to relationship leaving behind a wake of broken hearts and dreams.
And in some cases, there is psychological baggage having grown up in a broken home or other emotional trauma in youth or early adulthood. In this case, it is more of a case of singleness due to brokenness more than sinfulness. Afterall, some can run a mile in 6 minutes but most can't. And those with a broken leg, sprained ankle or whatever else, will have a lot harder time covering the distance.
If we are all psychologically healthy (or close to it) I would imagine marriage would be more prevalent. But many of us (this writer included) have "baggage" that is being dealt with.
Some of my friends have gotten married and I'm happy for them and they share how God works on their baggage in the marriage.
Then there are me and my friends who aren't married and want to be. The baggage sits there perhaps scaring off potential marriage partners? So those of us who call upon Jesus, beg and plead for God to heal us. And, you know, healing does take place but not always at the speed we wish it. And in my mind if healing takes place partly by getting married, I say, "YAHOO!" But if healing takes place while I'm single, I will not be ungrateful for that grace from God.
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