Working through the gay marriage controversy

Bloggers are opinionated. I'm a blogger. Therefore, I'm opinionated.

Andrew Sullivan is one of my regular blog visits. He always has a thoughtful take on current issues and more often than not, I agree.

He is one of the more articulate writers on the gay-marriage issue. He recently tackled the emotional aspect of the subject.

In the end, there is no getting around the truth of what he says about the emotions involved: it simply is. However, as a matter of public policy, we have to make choices taking into account the whole of society.

As a matter of personal ethics, I believe marriage is between a man and a woman. In my mind, it is a foundational definition just like a mother is necessarily a female and a father is necessarily a male.

In my mind this is the whole problem: do we want to redefine something that has been foundational for thousands of years?

As a single guy, I've been asked if I want to someday be a parent and my answer is yes. I'm sometimes then asked, would I consider adopting as a single person. My answer is: NO.

I have great respect for the tough job single parents have. Single parents need to be encouraged and assisted by friends and family in their lives. Most that I know did NOT willingly choose that path: sickness took away their spouse or divorce did.

But back to adopting as a single person, as much as emotionally I would love to experience the joy of parenthood, as a matter of principle, I do not believe it would be right for me as a single person to adopt. I believe it is hard enough to raise a child with a mom and a dad that for me at the outset to start off as a single parent would be unfair to the little one.

I am guessing it is legal in some (all or few) states? I'm not up on that area of the law. But if I was deciding public policy I'd be hesistant to allow single people to adopt.

Some would argue I, as a single person, should have the right to adopt. There is much emotional content to the life and choice of parenthood. Imagine the 30-40 something single career woman who faces the prospect on not being a mother. IT IS EMOTIONAL.

However, as a matter of public policy is adopting into single parenting preferable?

In my mind, that is what it comes down to in this gay marriage issue. Emotions of course are very real and not to be denied in PERSONAL interaction. But as a matter of public policy we need to make choices despite emotions and choose for society as a whole.

Whether gay people have a choice in their sexual preference is irrelavent. I suspect they have relatively little "choice" in who they are attracted to.

As a red-blooded male, I will not deny I find women like Jennifer Garner and Gillian Anderson incredibly attractive. I have essentially no choice in that fact.

As a resident of sunny and healthy conscious southern California, there are plenty of attractive women of which some wear somewhat immodest amounts of clothing while others are fashionable. In either case, I can no more choose to be attracted or not attracted to them then probably most gay folks are attracted to whoever they are attracted to.

In the end, that isn't the issue is it? The heart of the matter is what to do about it?

As a matter of choice, I would want to marry just one woman who I share compatibility in values and an array of interests. Aside from the fact that I would never actually meet Garner nor Anderson in real life, and aside from the fact they would probably not find "shy Christian Asian male nerd scientist blogger" types attractive, the choice is do they fit the bill on the "compatibility in values and an array of interests" criteria.

Thus, as a matter of emotions and personal relations, I have sympathy for the single person wanting to adopt and for the gay person wanting to get married. But as a matter of public policy, we want to write our laws to regard marriage as between man and woman as that is foundational to society. Undoubtedly, legal accomodations need to be made and those are open for discussion and a healthy debate on those lines is reasonable. But let's not change definitions that have been in place for eons.